Remembering Dec 26, 2004 Tsunami

Monday night, we chanced upon a program called The Passionate Eye.  It was airing an episode entitled Tsunami Caught on Camera, a compilation of videos of survivors of the 2004 Tsunami that began as a result of a 9.3 magnitude earthquake off the coast of Indonesia.  The Tsunami hit 14 countries and had a death toll of approximately 230000 people-a great deal more than the approx 20000 deaths from the Tsunami in Japan this past April. 

The footage and testimonials from the survivors is bone-chilling, terrifying, and devastating.  I cried almost the whole program, just watching the people get swept away by the water and knowing that they most likely died.  It makes me so grateful to live where I do, far away from any coast or large earthquake activity.  Here are just a few pictures of the devastation:

A stirring reminder that we are subject to powers greater than ourselves.


Until next time,
-J

Idols

I don't know whether it's because my students and I were discussing Moses and the Israelites the last little bit, or it's just something that has stuck with me, but the topic of idols has been in my head.  The dictionary defines an idol as:

1.an image or other material object representing a deity to which religious worship is addressed.

2.Bible .a. an image of a deity other than God.

b. the deity itself.

3.any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion: Madame Curie had been her childhood idol.

4.a mere image or semblance of something, visible but without substance, as a phantom.

5.a figment of the mind; fantasy. 

Upon the word idol being stuck in my head, I thought of all the ways we use it.  Teen idol, pop idol, American idol, Oktoberfest idol, immunity idol (Survivor), the list goes on!

The encouragement of these things or people being idols comes from, essentially, the mass media.  Magazines like People, OK!, Star, HELLO!, In Touch, Star, US Weekly, and Vanity Fair, all share intimate details of celebrities lives, and people actually buy these magazines and read them.  


People (myself unfortunately included) religiously watch tv shows that have no real substance and, more often than not, portray things like pre-marital sex, drug and alcohol abuse, and violence as normal and accepted.  When our 'idols' do something in a magazine or on tv, we may be persuaded that what they do is ok for us too.

So think about what idols you follow and whether they are worthy of your attention or if you should leave them behind and do as Moses pleads in Deuteronomy 4:15-16 "Take ye therefore good heed unto yourselves...Lest ye corrupt yourselves, and make you a graven image, the similitude of any figure, the likeness of male or female".

Until next time,

-J

 

Letting Go

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us" 

--Joseph Campell

"'We hold fast by letting go.'  Letting go of our attempts to control things, our attempts to maintain control over every aspect of our life.  We've all heard the saying about if we love something, we should let it go, and then we'll know whether it 'belongs' to us when we see whether it comes back to us.  So much of our discontent and our dissatisfaction comes from our unwillingness to let go of trying to control things and trying to cause just the results that we think should occur." --Tom Walsh

Sometimes you have a plan.  Sometimes that plan means the world to you.  Sometimes you think that you cannot possibly live unless that plan comes to fruition.  Sometimes that plan is wrong.  Sometimes you need to let go of that plan in order to see another plan that is in front of you.  Sometimes we forget that there are greater things at work in our lives other than ourselves.

There are people who have come and gone in my life who I have wanted to hang on to.  People who I thought would be by my side forever.  When I was younger, I lived in denial.  I could not believe that they were actually gone and that they were not coming back.  So I continued to communicate with them as if they were here.  As I have gotten older, I have made similar mistakes, hanging onto friendships and relationships that were destined to fall apart.  

And now, now I try my hardest to let go.  I try my hardest to find peace in knowing that they are happy, even if that happiness does not come from me.  I try my hardest to believe that something or someone will come along that will not want to let me go.  

I need to stop trying to control my destiny and need to accept that my life is not my own.  "Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it." Luke 17:33.  I am losing myself in the work that I am called to do, and thus I am finding myself more deeply than I ever have before.  So let go.  Be patient.  Have faith.  There is a plan for you and this plan is the right plan.  Lose yourself in the work and you will find peace.

Until next time,

-J

Florida Trip

The lack of posting recently has come from my 10-day vacation in Florida (you're jealous!).  Our trip consisted of Christmas shopping, regular shopping, unnessesary shopping (lots of shopping!), going to St. Petersberg Beach, Disney Village, visiting the Orlando temple, sunbathing, and going out to various places to eat.  It was a good, relaxing time.  It was nice to know that I had no responsibilities while I was away so I got to relax.  Here are some pictures from our trip:

Orlando Temple

Orlando Temple

Hooked on Jesus

The one above it says "Dear Jesus, I love you, Love God"  The one I managed to get is "U + God = :)" Only in America LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First live cockroach I have ever seen.  So gross!!  They're everywhere down south!

So, essentially sky writing about God and the "Hooked on Jesus" things pretty much made my day.  They're hilarious!  Also, I got to see my first live cockroach (so disgusting).  They're everywhere down south and I just happened to see this one while I was outside one night.  Nasty little things. 

As for the highlight of my trip, I would have to say it was the Temple.  I now have a second US temple added to my list (Palmyra being the first) and that brings my temple tally (I like to keep track) up to 6 temples that I've done baptisms in.  Boo yeah! 

My mom and aunt went to do an endowment session while I headed to do baptisms.  Originally, I was supposed to be joining a group of 25 youth from the area in a baptismal session.  There were two other girls there (ironically from Cardston, AB) who were on vacation and would be joining in as well.  Well, the group never showed up so the temple workers decided that they would scrounge up some priesthood holders and do a session with just the three of us.  And they did!  We got to go down to the baptistry and the temple president and matron came down and spoke with us for about 10 minutes and then we did our session.  It only lasted about half an hour, but it was a very special experience for me.  I was really grateful for it. 

I've been extremely blessed with many opportunities to go to the temple recently.  I went once in September, once in October, and on top of my experience in Orlando, I'm going to the Toronto temple this weekend for the temple conference.  Four times in 3 months?  Not bad at all.  I'm grateful that we have temples so close! 

Also, this week I started a new job at Concierge Home Services, cleaning residential houses.  It has more consistent hours and I get to work on my own or with just one other person so it's pretty good.  Not that I don't like customer service, it's just nice having a break from that.  I'm still working for Subway a bit while they are training new people so I'm still pretty busy, but things are going well. 

Until next time,
-J

After the Trial of Your Faith

"And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."--Ether 12:6

The past few weeks have indeed been a trial of my faith.  As I stated in my last post, it finally reached a boiling point and I was having a hard time getting rid of the rage I felt inside of me.  A few things happened this week to help me dispel it, and help me see the bigger picture.  I also think I know why this trial happened.

First of all, I received an angry message from a friend I was fighting with.  He quoted some scripture to me that really incensed me, but I decided that I would humble myself enough to read the scriptures and really think about it rather than responding negatively.  Once read in context, they spoke some words that I needed to hear.  This scripture, read in context, actually helped the situation, rather than make me even more mad.

Secondly, I had another scripture come into my mind that I dwelt on.  It is from the Sermon on the Mount, and it was a really powerful tool in changing my attitude.

Thirdly, institute on Wednesday night was particularly great.  I always enjoy our class, but this week, the things we spoke about really touched me and helped me hear what I needed to hear.  We were reading in 2 Nephi 31, verses 20 and 21.  What really stood out to me were the phrases, "feasting upon the word of Christ" and "endure to the end".  I realized that I was more "nibbling" than "feasting" upon the words of Christ.  Even though I have been studying hard to teach my seminary class, I had figured that I would count that as my personal study as well.  However, I realized that I needed to do separate personal study as well to keep up with my Book of Mormon class and it made a huge difference once I started reading separately.

Fourthly, I had the opportunity to go to the temple yesterday and do baptisms.  We joined a small youth group from Vermont, and it was a great experience.  For two of the people who came, it was their first time attending the temple and I was able to speak with them about the process and bear testimony of the work with them.  It was an amazing day.

Lastly, I realized just before arriving at the temple that I had a question I needed answered.  I prayed in the temple about it, I thought about it after, I had someone ask me about it, I ended up listening to a Relief Society podcast about it, and stake conference spoke about it as well (at least to me it did).  Something clicked inside of me that said, this is why the adversary has been doing a number on you the last few weeks.  He was trying to prevent you from seeking after this blessing and he wanted you to harbour resentment and anger so that you couldn't receive revelation.  But because I attended my meetings, because I continued to pray and read my scriptures, because I attended the temple, in short, because I endured, the Lord has blessed me with some personal revelation.

1 Peter 1:7 says "That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:".  This trial of my faith was indeed a blessing in disguise.  Sometimes the adversary works extra hard on you when he knows that good things are coming your way because of your valiance.  But, as you continue to feast upon the words of Christ, pray, and endure to the end, I know that you will come out on top.  The Atonement is there as an amazing tool for us.  This I know with all my heart and I am grateful for the trials that I have experienced in the last few weeks.  I am grateful for the personal revelation I have received because I endured. This Gospel is perfect and can help you withstand any trial that comes your way.  This I know to be true.

Until next time,
-J

Solutions Welcome

Of late there have been multiple instances where I have had to ignore my immediate feelings to retaliate to the negativism that has been sent in my way and instead, respond in a mature, non-threatening way.  This required Hurculean effort on my part.  I take great pride in being able to defend my arguments and myself through intelligent and cohesive defense, so to not defend myself, to me, feels like giving up.  I hate that feeling.  I have been suffering with feelings of anger and frustration, mostly because I can't say what I want to say to the people I want to say it to, and it's getting all bottled up inside of me.  I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to let this all go.  I should be able to let it slide off my shoulders and forget about it, but I can't for some reason.  I know that the adversary can gain a hold very easily when there is anger in your heart, so I am trying very hard to be at peace.  However, I can't seem to block out the negative influx from other sources.  I have been praying for strength, praying for peace, and reading my scriptures, but my anger continues to be kindled.  I cannot seem to find a lasting solution to this problem.  So what I am asking is, is there any productive outlet that you can recommend to me to rid myself of these feelings of anger and frustration?  I welcome any and all solutions.


Until next time,
-J

It is a Hard Thing

In seminary this week we spoke about desires.  We spoke about identifying the difference between a righteous desire and a worldly desire.  Coincidentally, I've spoken with a few people this week that have also brought this subject to my mind and I feel the need to write about it. 

First off, identifying your righteous desires.  Consider Abraham and the things he desired:

"And, finding there was greater happiness and peace and rest for me, I sought for the blessings of the fathers, and the right whereunto I should be ordained to administer the same; having been myself a follower of righteousness, desiring also to be one who possessed great knowledge, and to be a greater follower of righteousness, and to possess a greater knowledge, and to be a father of many nations, a prince of peace, and desiring to receive instructions, and to keep the commandments of God, I became a rightful heir, a High Priest, holding the right belonging to the fathers." (Abraham 1:2)

Abraham wanted to receive the Priesthood, possess great knowledge, be a great follower of righteousness, be a father of many nations, be a prince of peace, receive instructions, and to keep the commandments of God.  All of these things are righteous desires.  If I were to apply this scripture to myself, this is how I would interpret these desires:

-Live worthy of the Holy Ghost
-Seek after life-long learning
-Attend all my church meetings and fulfill my callings to the best of my ability
-Become a spouse, and then a mother of righteous offspring
-Soothe contention and attempt to resolve conflict peacefully
-Be open to personal revelation and be willing to act upon it
-Do all the things the Lord wants me to do

I do have all of these desires and I know that they are righteous.  Thus, I can know that the Lord will help me to obtain them.  If I ask Him for help and do all that I can, no righteous desire of my heart will go unrecognized.  Let me quote a few scriptures to help our understanding:

“And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.” (3 Ne. 18:20.)

“But if from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.

“When thou art in tribulation, and all these things are come upon thee, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the Lord thy God, and shalt be obedient unto his voice; … He will not forsake thee.” (Deut. 4:30–31.)

The main point I wish to emphasize in these scriptures is that it takes more than good intentions to receive blessings from the Lord.  Not only do you need the desires, you need to let them "work in you" (Alma 32:27) to the point where you are brought to action.  It is not enough to just believe that we will receive. "For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also." (James 2:26).  The only way that we can receive continual instruction from the Lord about how to live our lives and accomplish our righteous desires is if we accept that revelation/prompting and follow through with action.  

Many may be tempted with saying "it is a hard thing" (1 Nephi 3:5) that is required of us, i.e. to come to action and do what we need to do to accomplish our righteous desires, but I remind you that "With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." (Mark 10:27).  Whatever it is you are struggling with, whether it be schooling, dating, your job, your church calling, if you have righteous desires concerning these things, the Lord will help you if you ask Him to help you.  And, once you ask and He gives you direction, act on that direction.  Remember Nephi:

 

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." (1 Nephi 3:7 emphasis added)

I know that as we seek after the things of righteousness and stop waiting on the road to damascus, acting in faith, we can receive the desires of our hearts.  This I know to be true.

Until next time,

-J

5 Love Languages

It seems that many of my guy friends have been talking about the book "The 5 Love Languages" recently and my friend's blog post inspired me to finally read the book.  It was very interesting!  I don't want to give an entire description of the book, but here's a general breakdown of concepts:


If you're not 'speaking' your significant other's love language, they will not feel loved. We each have something called a 'love tank' and if it is not being filled on a regular basis, that love will run dry and we'll be running on empty, not feeling like we're loved.

The five languages are as follows:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

In completing my survey I discovered that my primary love language (by far) is words of affirmation.  That means that I enjoy receiving praise, compliments, expressions of appreciation, kind words verbally or in a note, etc.  My secondary ones were almost tied between quality time and physical touch.  Though, in response to that, I feel like the affirmation and quality time are musts before the physical touch comes into play.  Acts of service was number 4 and gifts...well that got a plain old 0.  I've never felt comfortable receiving gifts, though I do like giving them. 

All of that being said, as a fairly intuitive person, I feel that part of the reason I get along with different kinds of people is because I can sense what I need to give them for them to feel loved.  There are a few exceptions of course, and sometimes I misread people, but I try hard to give people what they need.  That ties in with my being an ENFJ, but that's another story.  I encourage you all to read this book and learn a little more about how to fill your significant other's (and even your friends and family's) love tank.

Until next time,
-J 

Conference Overview

What an amazing weekend!  This is the first time in a long time that I went to the chapel for all four sessions of conference.  Even though I was sick and could barely keep my eyes open for most of it, I still came away from it with really great spiritual inspiration.  The funny thing is, most of that inspiration was not for me specifically, but for my students.  That is something I haven't experienced before--being given direction for someone else instead of myself.  I guess that's how it will be when I have kids of my own.  For now, the students in my class are the special spirits in my care so I can receive inspiration to help them. 

So, instead of giving my overview of every talk of conference (we'd be here a while) I'll give a summary of the talks that touched me most.

Elder Jose L. Alonso (of the seventy)
-true happiness is following the example and teachings of Christ
-those who have felt the touch of the Master's hand feel more inclined to follow Him
-we need to act and search for the one who has been lost (sometimes they don't even know they're lost)
-Do NOT delay!  We may lose them forever!
-The Saviour's love is for all but He never loses sight of the one
-Happiness comes from making and keeping sacred covenants


Boyd K Packer (president of the 12 apostles)
-young people are being raised in enemy territory
-despite the opposition, you need not fail or fear
-the Gospel plan is the Great Plan of Happiness
-All beings who have bodies have power over those who don't
-my testimony is key to supporting others
-Angels speak with the power of the Holy Ghost
-You'll not make a big mistake without first being warned by the Holy Ghost
-You are never lost!
-You will be protected by evil if you heed the promptings of the Holy Ghost
-Lucifer will lose!
-Surround yourself with friends who desire to be good too

Dieter F. Uchtdorf (2nd councellor in the 1st presidency)
-retain in remembrance the greatness of God
-We are the reason He created the universe
-D&C 18:10, Moses 1:39
-Compared to God we are nothing, but to God we are everything
-a person's true value has little to do with what the world prides
-those who will inherit the kingdom of God will be those who become as little children
-Satan tries to focus us on our own insignificance
-it doesn't matter where you are, what your calling is, or what your standing is with others, the Lord knows your heart and will bless you
-He will use those hwo incline their hearts to Him
-Your influence can be flet even if it goes seemingly unnoticed
-the Lord uses a scale very different from the world to measure the worth of a soul
-1. God loves the humble and meek
-2. The Lord entrusts the fulness of the Gospel message to be preached by the meek and lowly
-3. No matter where you live or how meager your circumstances you are not invisible to your Heavenly Father.  He knows your acts of loving kindness
-4. What you see and experience now is not what forever will be
-God sees you as the being you were created and designed to become


Ian S. Ardern (of the seventy)
-become the master manager of our time
-time flies on the wings of lightning, we cannot call it back
-prioritize our choices to match our goals
-the poor use of time is a close cousin to idleness
-don't let technology take over
-let us be as quick to kneel as we are to text
-we must devote our time to the things that matter most



Carl B. Cook (of the seventy)
-"remember, it`s better to look up"
-re-direct youe focus to God, we will be blessed to have faitha nd strength to fulfill the things we have been called to do
-sins are forgiven and burdens are lightened as we look to Christ




D. Todd Christofferson (of the 12 apostles)
-the prophetic call to repentance should be celebrated
-justification and sactification are just and true
-steps to repentance:

1. Invitation to repent is an expression of love
2. Repentance means striving to change
• it takes effort on our part
• real change, real repentance may require repeated attempts
3.  Covenant to be obedient to the Father--Baptism
4. Repentance requires persistence
• true repentance is not superficial
• confess and forsake
• my soul is filled with joy as exceeding was my pain
5. Whatever the cost of repentance it is swallowed up in the joy of forgiveness

Elder Robert D. Hales (of the 12 apostles)
-why is it so hard to do the Father's will?
-why is there such terrible tribulation and to what end?
-to grow, to develop, and to be strengthened
-we wait upon the Lord
-tests and trials are given to all of us to see if we will use our agency to choose to follow our Heavenly Father
-wait means "to hope", "to anticipate", and "to trust" in the Lord
-Endure to the end
-plant and nourish a seed of faith with patience and diligence
-tribulation worketh patience
-stand fast and press forward in faith having a perfect brightness of hope
-**all things with which we have been afflicted will work together for our good**
-our understanding of what the Lord has for us comes line upon line
-wait in faith--the promises of the Lord are sure
-in your Gethsemane, you are never alone

Elaine S. Dalton (Young Women general President)
-fathers must faithfully raise daughters by loving their wives

I have no other notes on this talk, but I had a hard time listening to it.  Coming from a family where I had no father in the home, it was difficult for me to think of what could have been if I had a worthy priesthood holder, or father in my home growing up.  Though it was difficult to listen to, it impressed upon me further the importance of getting married in the temple to a worthy priesthood holder.  I don`t want my daughters to be raised without the guidance, direction, and love of a worthy father.

Thomas S. Monson (prophet)
-the world`s message is that morality is `passe`
-we know it`s not
-we are responsible for our actions
-the rules of God are constant
-God`s constancy is an anchor to which we can hold fast and be safe
-we must be vigilent (this struck me, as the same is said in my patriarchal blessing)
-reject anything in your life that does not conform to our standards
-watch and pray always...for Satan desires to have you
-work towards having a relationship with Heavenly Father through prayer


Matthew O. Richardson (2ns Councellor in the Sunday School Presidency)
-a key to becoming a real person in every aspect is teaching in a way that doesn`t limit learning
-teach by the Spirit so it can teach the truth unrestrained
-the Holy Ghost is the real teacher
-to conduct ourselves after the manner of the Holy Ghost is to adjust our teaching methods to align with how the Spirit teaches so it can testify more fully
-The way the Holy Ghost teaches:

1. Teaches individuals in a very personal way
• does not teach all truth all at once
• teach people not lessons
• real teaching involves much more than learning and telling
2. Teaches by prompting, inspiring, and encouraging us to act
• can facilitate opportunities to learn, feel, and act
• we cannot learn, feel, or act for others
• how do I invite and ask those around me to learn for themselves?

-do not become discouraged with your progress
-`look how far we`ve come!`
-lives will change as you teach with and by the Spirit
-God will help you in your efforts

Randall K. Bennett (of the seventy)
-decisions determine destiny (President Monson)
-we are free to choose freedom and liberty or captivity and death

• CHOOSE ETERNAL LIFE!!

-are what we think about and do in line with choosing eternal life?
-ultimately we have 2 eternal choices
-there is safety and joy in living like Jesus Christ
-We all face adversity, we all made mistakes
-we need to become self-disciplined fast!
-am I seeking divine direction through daily scripture study, pondering, and prayer?
-am I seeking the guidance of the Holy Ghost in what I think about and do?
-it is never too late to begin to choose eternal life


Quentin L. Cook (of the 12 apostles)

1. We have a Father in Heaven who loves us
2. His Son is our Saviour and Redeember whose Atonement covers all sin
3. Plan of Happiness includes premortal, mortal, and eternal life with reunion

-Sinking of the Titanic is an example of looking through the lens of just this mortal life
-we`ve seen into the events of evil exercise of agency
-be appreciative for the blessings we receive and the tragedies we avoid
-we should be grateful for the tender mercies we receive in our lives
-an essential elemnet of prospering is having the Spirit in our lives
-the refiner`s fire is real
-fear not for God shall be with your forever and ever
-regardless of the trials we face in this life, there are enough life boats for everyone
-`dying with your music still inside you`
-we know of the great eternal reward
-Jesus listening can hear the songs I cannot sing


Those are the ones that touched me the most.  I`m grateful for conference and for the wonderful messages it has poured into my soul at this time.  I can`t wait to listen to and read the talks again.

Until next time,
-J

Conference Challenge

Well, the feeling of discontent is gone, but has been replaced with anxious anticipation.  I've realized that whatever the Spirit is trying to tell me is not getting through, therefore, I have to change my strategies. 

Two years ago, Elder David A. Bednar came to Lethbridge to speak to the YSA.  We had a giant question and answer period for about 2 hours and it was quite an experience.  I was thinking back on it and how a session like that one helped me to grow my testimony at the time, and also the lessons I learned about revelation that day.  Here is a bit of my email to friends after the meeting:

 

"About halfway through Elder Bednar asked how many of us had a question when they got there (about 3/4 of the hands went up) and how many of us had our question answered even though it wasn't asked and we didn't specifically talk about it (about half of the hands stayed up).  He testified of the power of the Spirit and how it can testify to us truths that we need to know as long as we are open to hearing them.  Nothing that he said was anything that our stake president or bishop wouldn't have said, it was just the fact that he was an Apostle that it really hit home how simple our answers really are. 

 

He kept telling us to take a missionary copy of the Book of Mormon and, whatever question we had, mark all the scriptures that pertain to that question as you read through it.  Then compile all those scriptures and truths and make a summary of what was taught.  He said that he has bookshelves filled with missionary copies of the BoM, each copy was a different question that he had.  That amazed me.  I had some of my own questions answered that night, one of which was that I should go home for the summer.  He also kept saying that as long as we were "good boys and good girls" that things will work out in our lives in the most unexpected ways".

 

I would like to note that there were several hundred YSA there from all over Southern Alberta and so about 3/4 of that congregation had questions that were answered, including myself.  

 

So where am I going with this?  Well, I've realized that I have some questions that need to be answered and so, for this general conference, I'm going to write them down and I have faith that the Spirit will answer them during the sessions of conference.  My challenge to you is to do the same.  I know that as we are open to the messages of the Spirit that He can speak to us in that still, small voice and help us to better understand what we need to do.

 

Until next time,

-J 

Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies

Well, it was bound to happen.  The first downer day in a while.  I had been having an amazing weekend, chatting with friends, going out on spontanious walks along the canal, frolicking and the like, and then Sunday rolled around and something changed.  I'm not even really sure what it was.  Maybe it being fast Sunday had something to do with it, but maybe it was what I was fasting about, I don't know.  Either way, I had a bit of a downer day. 

Some days, if I'm not paying attention to what I'm saying, I end up coming across in a way that I don't like.  I tend to be a little over-critical and opinionated, which I'm usually pretty good at keeping under wraps.  I recognized that I was not fully in control yesterday, so in the middle of a social activity, I went off on my own, went for a bit of a walk and then sat in my car reading my scriptures.  It helped a bit, but something was still off.  I'm even a bit off this morning and I feel like I'm forgetting something.  My mind is elsewhere but I don't know exactly where.  I think I need to take some time to listen to what the Spirit is telling me, because clearly it's not getting through. 

I keep telling myself, "focus on the blessings" and it's helping, but I just need to get my act together and take some time for me to figure out what is going on inside of my head.  I've been so caught up with seminary, relief society, institute, and social activities that I've been neglecting myself and haven't taken time for me.  Seeing as I have precious little free time, I may need to organize my life a bit better on that front.  So, here's to a better week and picking myself up, working out my confuddled brain, and pushing this feeling of discontent out of my heart. 

Until next time,
-J

Looking Back

Last night, I had a short, but good converstation with a friend. She was telling me about the changes she is making in her life and it brought me back to when I was in almost her same position four years ago. I won't go into detail, but looking back on it, I realize just how far I've come. Four years ago I was in a very bad place. I was depressed and angry a lot of the time. I was frustrated at life and saw no point to anything that I was doing. And now...I can't even describe the change accurately.

In seminary, we were talking about The Fall this week. We spoke about how Adam and Eve lived in a state of innocence, not knowing joy or sorrow. That by partaking of the knowledge of good and evil, they would be subject to these emotions and have the opportunity to become like God. I am so grateful to them for making that decision. I have realized the importance of opposition.

Everything that I've been through in my life has made me understand why I'm here, where I'm going, and what I need to accomplish in this life. It is because of those bad experiences that I can fully appreciate all the blessings that I have right now. I'm not saying I don't have bad days now and then, but it's easier for me to be happy because I understand part of what my life's mission is all about. I thank Sheri Dew for that. If it wasn't for her speaking at our YSA conference last summer, I would have never really thought about it and tried to figure it out. Now, I'm on the path that will lead me to my ultimate destiny that is stated in my Patriarchal Blessing.

It amazes me the simplicity of The Plan, but how profound an influence it has on all of us. If you're in a bad place, if you're struggling, even if it's been for many years, know that the blessings will eventually come. I had to wait 4 years for mine, but they are very much worth it.

Until next time,
-J

Growing Up?

Is there ever a point where someone feels like a grown up? I mean, I knew I was legally an adult when I turned 18 but I've never felt particularly grown up. I feel old sometimes when I realize that the little cousins I held in the hospital when they were born are now in high school and getting their driver's licenses, but I don't really feel grown up.

I still laugh at really immature things, and I act like a goof a lot of the time. So my question is, do we ever really feel our age? Does anyone ever really feel grown up?

I know that living on my own for the last 3 years and working while going to school has helped me feel more self-sufficient. I know that my understanding of the Gospel and my faith has grown significantly. I know that a lot of my experiences growing up have helped me to learn from my mistakes and try not to repeat them, but I still feel like a kid! I still go crying to my mom any time something goes wrong in my life. I still have days where all I want to do is ignore my chores and play video games. Ok, let's be honest, that's most days.

So, all of that being said, even considering marriage or having kids at this point in my life is kind of scary. I mean, yes I want those things and I'm ready for them, whenever they come, but it's scary to me that I'm at that point in my life! I see all my friends getting married and having kids and I think to myself, "Everyone's growing up!".

To my married and single friends, was there ever a point where you felt like a grown up or do you still feel really young? Are the main signposts of life (i.e. finishing school, getting married, having kids) what make that feeling grow? Or do you still live in an "I'm not old enough for this" phase?

As I get older, I see my elders not as "old" people who I can't relate to, but as collegues and peers; people who I can learn from and be friends with because of shared life experiences and understandings about the world and the Gospel. I feel like my world has opened up to be enriched by more and more amazing people as I grow older. Is that part of the process too? Just some pondering on my part.

Until next time,
-J

A Different Perspective

Alright, so lately I've had the chance to talk with some friends about dating and it's got me thinking. I thought that lots of people think like me, but apparently they don't. So I'm just gonna throw some of my views out there (sorry if I offend anyone) and get your opinions.

1. The Lord tells us to seek a higher education.

Does the Lord tell us specifically "You MUST complete a university degree and if possible move on to your Masters and PhD"? No. He says to seek a higher level of education than what you currently have. He says in D&C 88:118 "And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.". Yes that can be interpreted as going to school, but it doesn't have to be. As long as you have an enthusiasm for learning and want to increase different areas of learning throughout your life, then who cares what level of formal education you receive?

Also, from my teacher training, I know that some people just don't do well in an organized schooling system. That doesn't mean they're not really smart! I had one student in my grade 5-6 class that was brilliant and remembered everything, but he couldn't focus in class, consequently got in trouble a lot, and he didn't do his homework. Because of all of that, he was failing even though he was probably one of the smartest kids in the class. Not everyone is built for "the system" so don't judge people based on that.

2. Men as "breadwinners" and women as "nuturers?"

Ok, I know that this will rub a few people the wrong way, but let me quote some of "The Family: A Procalamation to the World":

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live."

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed." (emphasis added)

So, parents have the responsibility to rear their children in love, and to provide for their spiritual and physical needs. Also, in the ideal family situation, men are responsible to provide for the "necessities of life", which doesn`t necessarily have to mean monitarily, and mothers are primarily responsible for the nuture of their children. The part I italicized is what is important. In today's world, it is very hard to fit that ideal. With the economy the way it is, and with the cost of living, it is almost impossible to not have both parents working to support their family.

In my family, with just two kids, growing up both my parents had to work. Once my parents got divorced, my mother was required to work overtime in order to provide for us temporally. Does that mean she's any less of a mother because she wasn't in the home most of the time? No, it doesn't. She knew what she had to do to support us, and made sure that we were nutured by extended family members, the church and the church's programs and leaders, and by herself whenever she had time to spend with us. She even put her personal life on hold to make sure that we were taken care of and that any free time she had was spent helping us grow as human beings.

All of that being said, is it not prideful of some to think that once you get married, a woman's sole obligation in life is to rear children? What if your husband dies? What if you get divorced? What if we have another great depression and you need to work to support your family? Does that mean the Lord thinks any less of you as a woman? I don't think so. And if a man has to be a the primary nuturer in order to make family life easier, is that such a bad thing? I don't think so either. All I'm saying is, if you want the "ideal" family life, it might not be possible. If you are limiting yourself to trying to find a spouse that wants to be the provider or nuturer only, then you are limiting your options of finding an eternal companion who will love you and be there for you in different ways than you expect.

This is not to downplay the "ideal" because I know many people do live it successfully. If possible I would like to be a stay-at-home mom too. However, I know that more might be expected of me and I am prepared for that. I have confidence that whatever I need to do will be revealed and opened for me by the Lord.

3. Seeking the "perfect" spouse.

Clearly I am no expert, since I am still single, but in the last year, my perspective on marriage has changed greatly. I had in mind the "perfect" spouse. There was a checklist and if someone didn't meet one of my critera, I was wary of dating them. This is the WRONG way of going about it. A favourite talk of mine "To My Single Friends" by Elder John K. Carmack says:

"You may want to marry a man or woman just like the father or mother, the exemplary priesthood leader or outstanding woman you idealize. But remember that even spiritual giants had to begin somewhere. If you are not careful, the ideal—what you hope your spouse will be—can blind you to the numerous good qualities in potential partners. Many eligible Latter-day Saint singles who now might not measure up to your checklist will someday be fine fathers and mothers and respected Church and community leaders. Sister Camilla Kimball, wife of President Spencer W. Kimball, wrote: “When people ask what it feels like to married to a prophet, I tell them, ‘I didn’t marry a prophet. I married a young returned missionary’” (Edward L. Kimball, editor, The Writings of Camilla Eyring Kimball, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1988, page 114).

Learn to see potential in people and to help them develop it. That is what you would want a loving partner to do for you. One young woman found her responses to the man she had been dating were altered when she changed her own perspective and looked at his potential. Their friendship blossomed into love, and they were married.

It helps also to recognize that some things are “musts” in a spouse and that others may simply be matters of preference. Women, for example, will want to be firm about marrying an active, committed priesthood holder. But if you love symphonic music and he prefers sports, it couldn’t hurt him to sample the works of classic composers or you to cheer a bit for the home team.

Sometimes people and relationships will disappoint you. When that happens, be resilient enough to remain open and trusting. It may be painful to overcome the hurt, and it surely can be frightening to risk having that kind of pain again. But shutting other people out—building barriers to prevent someone from crossing into the tender territory of your heart—means locking yourself inside a shell. Be realistic, be judicious, be prayerful, but be willing to trust the right someone. That is what must happen in a good marriage.

When a cherished friendship does not develop into romance leading to marriage, learn to live without regrets. You can’t accurately predict what might have been, if only you or he had said or done something different. Avoid constantly looking back—it retards your forward progress." (emphasis added)

It was in reading this talk that I realized, I need to separate out my "musts" from my "wants". Wanting to marry a returned missionary is great, but that doesn't mean that someone who hasn't served a mission is any less worthy of your attentions. Wanting someone who completed schooling and is persuing a career path oriented to that schooling is nice, but someone who has determination and drive to do whatever job they have to the best of their ability is more important in my mind.

All of this being said, it all comes down to pride. What we think we need in order to be happy, may not actually be what makes us happy in the end. There are no guarantees that once someone meets every item on your checklist that you are going to love them, or that they are going to love you! Maybe you won't fit their checklist! Concentrate on being the best person you can be and you will find the person who fits into your life the best. Personally, I've realized that qualities like loyalty, love, encouragement, genuineness, enthusiasm, confidence, motivation, spirituality, and humility are all very attractive qualities that I would want in a future spouse. The temporal stuff? Not as important. If you really love someone for who they are, the rest shouldn't matter.

And that's my rant for tonight.

Until next time,

Jess

Room Enough to Receive It

"Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in my house; and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of Hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it." (3 Nephi 24:10, Malachi 3:10)


Well, once again I'm suprised. I was so overwhelmed with the amazing blessings that have been coming to me the last 2 weeks that I forgot to check my storehouse...turns out I don't have room to receive them all! I realized tonight how much time needs to go into teaching early-morning seminary and also, how difficult it would be for me to get the hours at work that I need to help save money for school. I had a decision to make: work at the daycare for a few extra hours a week and sacrifice my prep time for seminary, or devote myself to my callings and be down a couple of bucks. I hope you know my character well enough by now to know what I chose. I've decided to quit the job at the daycare (before I even start) and also to ask to have one of my callings given to someone else (the one I haven't been officially called to or set-apart for yet).

From all of this, I have learned that it is actually possible to have too much of a good thing! That there are good, better, best options and it is up to us to use personal revelation to see what it is the Lord wants us to choose. All of the blessings I have been given the last few weeks were great, but I simply don't have room to receive them all. I firmly believe that by choosing to fulfill my callings to the best of my ability and by putting the Lord first in my life, that everything else will work itself out.

Until next time,
-J

The Lord's Tender Mercies

It's amazing the difference a week can make! I have definitely felt the hand of the Lord in my life the last week and I am so grateful.

First off, I had a job interview at Play House Learning Centre to be a music teacher there...and I got the job! I don't have and ECE certificate (Early Childhood Education) or much teaching experience with kids, but they hired me anyway and I'm so excited! I'm going to be working with 5 different classes 2 days a week. The kids are ages 18 months to 4 years so it'll be lots of fun! I'm hoping to learn some fun kids songs to sing and teach them! I start September 6th.

Second, I got called and set apart as the second counsellor in the Relief Society in the Dow's Lake ward. I'm really excited about this calling, even though I have no idea what I'm doing. I thought, well, this is great. I asked for a second job that will give me experience, and I got it. I asked for a new calling and I got it. Little did I know that wasn't the end of it.

After I got set apart for that calling yesterday, my Stake President pulled me aside and offered me another calling (if you're keeping track, we're up to 3 now!). This one is one that I wanted and had asked to do because I'm interested in getting into the program. That is, teaching seminary. I got asked to teach early-morning seminary for the combined youth of Riverside and Champlain wards. Apparently they had someone else lined up to do it, but once they heard how badly I wanted to teach and get into the C.E.S. program, they offered up their spot to me instead. Whoever they are, I am so greatful!

Basically, everything that I asked for in being back has been given to me and I am overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord for giving these things to me. I know that these experiences will help me to grow as an individual as well as a person, so I am very excited for this. I will keep you posted, but for now, I am extremely happy and nervous at teaching both little kids and teenagers. Wish me luck!

Until next time,
-J

Life, or Something Like it

I know, I know, it's been 6 months...so shoot me. I've never been good at the consistent blog thing. Lots has happened. Here's the rundown in a few key points:

-I missed a deadline for school and have to wait a year to re-apply
-I sold all my furniture and moved back to Ottawa for the year (I hope only that long!)
-I'm back working at Subway and trying to find something in the childcare field

That's the gist of it. I've been home for a month now and it's been pretty hard. It wasn't until last night that I finally had some clarity to my thoughts. I had some friends over and was distracted most of the night. Once they left, I swam some laps in the pool (I'm house-sitting for a neighbour) to blow off some steam, and then I sat and just thought about everything for a good 2 hours. It was quite liberating I must say. The thinking alternated with praying and eventually a feeling of peace came over me. All my doubts, all my anxieties and resentment was taken away and I feel revitalized.

I realized last night, that this year can be something great, but it won't be unless I make sure it is. Therefore, bumming around, complaining, and feeling angry isn't going to get me anywhere. That being said, I'm trying to be better, look forward with faith, and stop being like Lot's wife and dwelling on and yearning for the past. It is amazing the power the Atonement has to lift you and comfort you when you most need it.

I also have 2 callings that I will be receiving in the next few weeks. I am excited for both of them and I know that they will help me to have a better experience here this year.

As for what I'm up to now, I've been working and in my spare time, reading from a list of books that I have wanted to read for a while now. I started in on the list mid April (there are about 60 books on there) and since then, I've managed to cross 8 off and I'm working on the 9th. Through this, I've realized how much great literature I've been missing out on all of these years! I've got a lot of catchin up to do!

Until next time,
-J

Joy in the Journey

The last two years I've had my blog titles as "A year of Change" and "A year of Growth". Both of those accurately described how the last two years of my life went. That being said, I am now moving on to bigger and better things. Change and growth will continue to happen in my life, but now that I am finally in a good place I can focus on finding joy in the journey. With the help of the Saviour and the Atonement, I have changed my life, I have moved forward and am finally happy again. I've had fleeting moments of happiness in the last couple of years, but nothing as lasting as how I feel right now. I know that this happiness comes from living the commandments of God and from being worthy enough to receive His blessings. Iknow this because I have felt and seen the tender mercies of the Lord working in my life, blessing me with experiences and spiritual insights that I needed.

I had a nice talk with my bishop today about where my life is going. I have felt kind of stuck the last little while and sought him out to get some guidance. Not that I'm stuck in a bad way, but I've just been feeling like it's not enough being here any more. I feel like I need a new challenge in my life, something else to help me grow. I've been asking for direction, but bishop pointed out that I may not have had an open mind about the whole thing because I wasn't getting any definite answers to my prayers. I realized that I had a sort of pre-thought-out plan of what I wanted to happen, but I wasn't open to hearing something that wasn't in my plan. Bishop warned me of pride and of letting my own thoughts interfere with what the Lord wants for me.

I now have to completely rethink where it is I need to go from here. My walls and barriers are being broken down and my mind is slowly opening to the possibilities, whether I like the idea of them or not. I have complete confidence that the Spirit will direct me which way I need to go. So for now, know that I am well and am looking for something more out of life.

Until next time,
-J