Conference Challenge

Well, the feeling of discontent is gone, but has been replaced with anxious anticipation.  I've realized that whatever the Spirit is trying to tell me is not getting through, therefore, I have to change my strategies. 

Two years ago, Elder David A. Bednar came to Lethbridge to speak to the YSA.  We had a giant question and answer period for about 2 hours and it was quite an experience.  I was thinking back on it and how a session like that one helped me to grow my testimony at the time, and also the lessons I learned about revelation that day.  Here is a bit of my email to friends after the meeting:

 

"About halfway through Elder Bednar asked how many of us had a question when they got there (about 3/4 of the hands went up) and how many of us had our question answered even though it wasn't asked and we didn't specifically talk about it (about half of the hands stayed up).  He testified of the power of the Spirit and how it can testify to us truths that we need to know as long as we are open to hearing them.  Nothing that he said was anything that our stake president or bishop wouldn't have said, it was just the fact that he was an Apostle that it really hit home how simple our answers really are. 

 

He kept telling us to take a missionary copy of the Book of Mormon and, whatever question we had, mark all the scriptures that pertain to that question as you read through it.  Then compile all those scriptures and truths and make a summary of what was taught.  He said that he has bookshelves filled with missionary copies of the BoM, each copy was a different question that he had.  That amazed me.  I had some of my own questions answered that night, one of which was that I should go home for the summer.  He also kept saying that as long as we were "good boys and good girls" that things will work out in our lives in the most unexpected ways".

 

I would like to note that there were several hundred YSA there from all over Southern Alberta and so about 3/4 of that congregation had questions that were answered, including myself.  

 

So where am I going with this?  Well, I've realized that I have some questions that need to be answered and so, for this general conference, I'm going to write them down and I have faith that the Spirit will answer them during the sessions of conference.  My challenge to you is to do the same.  I know that as we are open to the messages of the Spirit that He can speak to us in that still, small voice and help us to better understand what we need to do.

 

Until next time,

-J 

Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies

Well, it was bound to happen.  The first downer day in a while.  I had been having an amazing weekend, chatting with friends, going out on spontanious walks along the canal, frolicking and the like, and then Sunday rolled around and something changed.  I'm not even really sure what it was.  Maybe it being fast Sunday had something to do with it, but maybe it was what I was fasting about, I don't know.  Either way, I had a bit of a downer day. 

Some days, if I'm not paying attention to what I'm saying, I end up coming across in a way that I don't like.  I tend to be a little over-critical and opinionated, which I'm usually pretty good at keeping under wraps.  I recognized that I was not fully in control yesterday, so in the middle of a social activity, I went off on my own, went for a bit of a walk and then sat in my car reading my scriptures.  It helped a bit, but something was still off.  I'm even a bit off this morning and I feel like I'm forgetting something.  My mind is elsewhere but I don't know exactly where.  I think I need to take some time to listen to what the Spirit is telling me, because clearly it's not getting through. 

I keep telling myself, "focus on the blessings" and it's helping, but I just need to get my act together and take some time for me to figure out what is going on inside of my head.  I've been so caught up with seminary, relief society, institute, and social activities that I've been neglecting myself and haven't taken time for me.  Seeing as I have precious little free time, I may need to organize my life a bit better on that front.  So, here's to a better week and picking myself up, working out my confuddled brain, and pushing this feeling of discontent out of my heart. 

Until next time,
-J

Looking Back

Last night, I had a short, but good converstation with a friend. She was telling me about the changes she is making in her life and it brought me back to when I was in almost her same position four years ago. I won't go into detail, but looking back on it, I realize just how far I've come. Four years ago I was in a very bad place. I was depressed and angry a lot of the time. I was frustrated at life and saw no point to anything that I was doing. And now...I can't even describe the change accurately.

In seminary, we were talking about The Fall this week. We spoke about how Adam and Eve lived in a state of innocence, not knowing joy or sorrow. That by partaking of the knowledge of good and evil, they would be subject to these emotions and have the opportunity to become like God. I am so grateful to them for making that decision. I have realized the importance of opposition.

Everything that I've been through in my life has made me understand why I'm here, where I'm going, and what I need to accomplish in this life. It is because of those bad experiences that I can fully appreciate all the blessings that I have right now. I'm not saying I don't have bad days now and then, but it's easier for me to be happy because I understand part of what my life's mission is all about. I thank Sheri Dew for that. If it wasn't for her speaking at our YSA conference last summer, I would have never really thought about it and tried to figure it out. Now, I'm on the path that will lead me to my ultimate destiny that is stated in my Patriarchal Blessing.

It amazes me the simplicity of The Plan, but how profound an influence it has on all of us. If you're in a bad place, if you're struggling, even if it's been for many years, know that the blessings will eventually come. I had to wait 4 years for mine, but they are very much worth it.

Until next time,
-J

Growing Up?

Is there ever a point where someone feels like a grown up? I mean, I knew I was legally an adult when I turned 18 but I've never felt particularly grown up. I feel old sometimes when I realize that the little cousins I held in the hospital when they were born are now in high school and getting their driver's licenses, but I don't really feel grown up.

I still laugh at really immature things, and I act like a goof a lot of the time. So my question is, do we ever really feel our age? Does anyone ever really feel grown up?

I know that living on my own for the last 3 years and working while going to school has helped me feel more self-sufficient. I know that my understanding of the Gospel and my faith has grown significantly. I know that a lot of my experiences growing up have helped me to learn from my mistakes and try not to repeat them, but I still feel like a kid! I still go crying to my mom any time something goes wrong in my life. I still have days where all I want to do is ignore my chores and play video games. Ok, let's be honest, that's most days.

So, all of that being said, even considering marriage or having kids at this point in my life is kind of scary. I mean, yes I want those things and I'm ready for them, whenever they come, but it's scary to me that I'm at that point in my life! I see all my friends getting married and having kids and I think to myself, "Everyone's growing up!".

To my married and single friends, was there ever a point where you felt like a grown up or do you still feel really young? Are the main signposts of life (i.e. finishing school, getting married, having kids) what make that feeling grow? Or do you still live in an "I'm not old enough for this" phase?

As I get older, I see my elders not as "old" people who I can't relate to, but as collegues and peers; people who I can learn from and be friends with because of shared life experiences and understandings about the world and the Gospel. I feel like my world has opened up to be enriched by more and more amazing people as I grow older. Is that part of the process too? Just some pondering on my part.

Until next time,
-J

A Different Perspective

Alright, so lately I've had the chance to talk with some friends about dating and it's got me thinking. I thought that lots of people think like me, but apparently they don't. So I'm just gonna throw some of my views out there (sorry if I offend anyone) and get your opinions.

1. The Lord tells us to seek a higher education.

Does the Lord tell us specifically "You MUST complete a university degree and if possible move on to your Masters and PhD"? No. He says to seek a higher level of education than what you currently have. He says in D&C 88:118 "And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.". Yes that can be interpreted as going to school, but it doesn't have to be. As long as you have an enthusiasm for learning and want to increase different areas of learning throughout your life, then who cares what level of formal education you receive?

Also, from my teacher training, I know that some people just don't do well in an organized schooling system. That doesn't mean they're not really smart! I had one student in my grade 5-6 class that was brilliant and remembered everything, but he couldn't focus in class, consequently got in trouble a lot, and he didn't do his homework. Because of all of that, he was failing even though he was probably one of the smartest kids in the class. Not everyone is built for "the system" so don't judge people based on that.

2. Men as "breadwinners" and women as "nuturers?"

Ok, I know that this will rub a few people the wrong way, but let me quote some of "The Family: A Procalamation to the World":

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live."

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed." (emphasis added)

So, parents have the responsibility to rear their children in love, and to provide for their spiritual and physical needs. Also, in the ideal family situation, men are responsible to provide for the "necessities of life", which doesn`t necessarily have to mean monitarily, and mothers are primarily responsible for the nuture of their children. The part I italicized is what is important. In today's world, it is very hard to fit that ideal. With the economy the way it is, and with the cost of living, it is almost impossible to not have both parents working to support their family.

In my family, with just two kids, growing up both my parents had to work. Once my parents got divorced, my mother was required to work overtime in order to provide for us temporally. Does that mean she's any less of a mother because she wasn't in the home most of the time? No, it doesn't. She knew what she had to do to support us, and made sure that we were nutured by extended family members, the church and the church's programs and leaders, and by herself whenever she had time to spend with us. She even put her personal life on hold to make sure that we were taken care of and that any free time she had was spent helping us grow as human beings.

All of that being said, is it not prideful of some to think that once you get married, a woman's sole obligation in life is to rear children? What if your husband dies? What if you get divorced? What if we have another great depression and you need to work to support your family? Does that mean the Lord thinks any less of you as a woman? I don't think so. And if a man has to be a the primary nuturer in order to make family life easier, is that such a bad thing? I don't think so either. All I'm saying is, if you want the "ideal" family life, it might not be possible. If you are limiting yourself to trying to find a spouse that wants to be the provider or nuturer only, then you are limiting your options of finding an eternal companion who will love you and be there for you in different ways than you expect.

This is not to downplay the "ideal" because I know many people do live it successfully. If possible I would like to be a stay-at-home mom too. However, I know that more might be expected of me and I am prepared for that. I have confidence that whatever I need to do will be revealed and opened for me by the Lord.

3. Seeking the "perfect" spouse.

Clearly I am no expert, since I am still single, but in the last year, my perspective on marriage has changed greatly. I had in mind the "perfect" spouse. There was a checklist and if someone didn't meet one of my critera, I was wary of dating them. This is the WRONG way of going about it. A favourite talk of mine "To My Single Friends" by Elder John K. Carmack says:

"You may want to marry a man or woman just like the father or mother, the exemplary priesthood leader or outstanding woman you idealize. But remember that even spiritual giants had to begin somewhere. If you are not careful, the ideal—what you hope your spouse will be—can blind you to the numerous good qualities in potential partners. Many eligible Latter-day Saint singles who now might not measure up to your checklist will someday be fine fathers and mothers and respected Church and community leaders. Sister Camilla Kimball, wife of President Spencer W. Kimball, wrote: “When people ask what it feels like to married to a prophet, I tell them, ‘I didn’t marry a prophet. I married a young returned missionary’” (Edward L. Kimball, editor, The Writings of Camilla Eyring Kimball, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1988, page 114).

Learn to see potential in people and to help them develop it. That is what you would want a loving partner to do for you. One young woman found her responses to the man she had been dating were altered when she changed her own perspective and looked at his potential. Their friendship blossomed into love, and they were married.

It helps also to recognize that some things are “musts” in a spouse and that others may simply be matters of preference. Women, for example, will want to be firm about marrying an active, committed priesthood holder. But if you love symphonic music and he prefers sports, it couldn’t hurt him to sample the works of classic composers or you to cheer a bit for the home team.

Sometimes people and relationships will disappoint you. When that happens, be resilient enough to remain open and trusting. It may be painful to overcome the hurt, and it surely can be frightening to risk having that kind of pain again. But shutting other people out—building barriers to prevent someone from crossing into the tender territory of your heart—means locking yourself inside a shell. Be realistic, be judicious, be prayerful, but be willing to trust the right someone. That is what must happen in a good marriage.

When a cherished friendship does not develop into romance leading to marriage, learn to live without regrets. You can’t accurately predict what might have been, if only you or he had said or done something different. Avoid constantly looking back—it retards your forward progress." (emphasis added)

It was in reading this talk that I realized, I need to separate out my "musts" from my "wants". Wanting to marry a returned missionary is great, but that doesn't mean that someone who hasn't served a mission is any less worthy of your attentions. Wanting someone who completed schooling and is persuing a career path oriented to that schooling is nice, but someone who has determination and drive to do whatever job they have to the best of their ability is more important in my mind.

All of this being said, it all comes down to pride. What we think we need in order to be happy, may not actually be what makes us happy in the end. There are no guarantees that once someone meets every item on your checklist that you are going to love them, or that they are going to love you! Maybe you won't fit their checklist! Concentrate on being the best person you can be and you will find the person who fits into your life the best. Personally, I've realized that qualities like loyalty, love, encouragement, genuineness, enthusiasm, confidence, motivation, spirituality, and humility are all very attractive qualities that I would want in a future spouse. The temporal stuff? Not as important. If you really love someone for who they are, the rest shouldn't matter.

And that's my rant for tonight.

Until next time,

Jess