Tonight was the first night I was able to attend a real institute class (other than Friday Forum, which is just guest speakers). The class topic is Church History. Now, you'd think that since I don't like most kinds of history that I wouldn't like this class, but I love it! The teacher (brother Reid) is so funny and he really knows what he's talking about. There was one thing he said tonight that I felt he was inspired to say directly to me. He said everything that had happened to me and what I am feeling right now, it was really interesting. The fact that he said those things, makes me think that I'm not the only one who felt impressed to come out here. I realize that I haven't shared why I came out here in the first place, so maybe this is the time to do so.
In August of 2007 I was working in Fort McMurray, Alberta and I had about 2 weeks left before I was supposed to start school. I wasn't enrolled in all the classes I was supposed to be, I felt hesitant to live at home again and it just didn't feel right. I remember that I was sitting on my bed in camp, thinking about school when this thought came to my mind "you're not supposed to go back to school". I shrugged it off and thought, why not? I have to finish school so I can get a job. "Don't go back to school" the thought came stronger this time. I felt so conflicted and knew that I'd be upsetting some people by doing so, but I finally prayed about it and felt that it was the right thing to do.
I dropped out of the few classes I was enrolled in, I asked my foreman if I could stay on until October and then I did the hardest thing of all, I called my mom. She didn't understand why I wanted to take the year off and all I could say is "it's what I'm supposed to do". So, I went home, got my car and headed back out west to work. When I came back home at the end of October, I prayed about what to do next. No answer came so I just did what I thought was best. I got a job in Ottawa, I applied to transfer to another university (Lethbridge was the only one that came to mind and the only one I applied to) and just lived my life. I got my acceptance letter on Christmas eve and my plan was set for Lethbridge.
Once I knew I was coming here, I kept praying and asking for confirmation that it was the right thing to do. Still no answer, so I continued with my plans and not until the week before I left did I get my confirmation. I went to get a priesthood blessing, like I usually do before school starts, and so many things were promised to me about coming out here. It said that there were people out here waiting for me and people I need to help. It promised that I'd excell in my classes and that the Lord would be with me every step of the journey. There were other things too, but they're a little personal.
So with that blessing, I came out here knowing this is where I'm supposed to be. I'd been feeling down lately because nothing has happened here yet, and what Brother Reid said was exactly how I was feeling and the circumstances behind me coming out here. If he was saying that to more people than just me, then there is definately a reason we're here. It's the impatience that's driving me nuts, because I want some kind of indication of what is to come. I just need to have faith that my priesthood blessing will come to pass, but in God's time and not mine. For now I need to "...excercise faith in the redemption of him who created [me]" (Alma 5:15) and remember that "the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them to accomplish the thing which he commandeth them" (1 Nephi 3:7).
Working on a change of heart,
-J
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